Be careful of where you go to church

(With apologies to Seth Godin.)

I was inspired by Seth's blog post, "Be careful of who you work for", to paraphrase it here.
I found what he said in that post to be absolutely relevant to every person who seeks employment, but also every person who seeks membership in a church.
or any religious/cultural/social/self-improvement organisation for that matter. even the boy scouts.
but my experience has been in church, and this blog is for church-going or -seeking sort of people, so here goes.

(please read the original at Seth's blog.)

The single most important spiritual decision most people make is also the one we spend precious little time on: where you go to church.

Think about this for a second. Your pastor and your church determine not only what you do all Sunday plus a couple of weekdays, but what you learn and who you interact with. Where you go to church is what you evangelise. Go to church in a high stress place and you're likely to become a highly stressed person, and your interactions will display that. Go to church with a narcissistic pastor and you'll develop into someone who's good at shining a light on someone else, not into someone who can lead. Go to church with a pastor who plays the fads and you'll discover that instead of building a steadily improving spiritual life, you're jumping from one thing to another, enduring church splits in-between revivals. Go to church with a bullying pastor and be prepared to be bullied.

And yet, there are plenty of books about doing church, but no books I know of about choosing a church. There are hundreds of sites where church seekers can go to find a new church, and virtually none where you can find reviews of pastors or churches or ministries.

Joe Bloe really needed a church, so he took one doing human spam (ambush evangelism). That's his first mistake. This isn't a stepping stone to something better, it doesn't teach you much, it grinds you down and it doesn't make you more spiritual. When he found he was also making pitches he found offensive, he quit.

...

Great spirituality involves having a great gospel, and not every church membership is worth your time or attention or devotion.

...

I've been round the block a few times.
I've "been to the puppet show and seen the strings".

when I was in the "full time ministry" (I still am – I just don't have a job in a church), people used to come up to me and say, "You should get a job outside so you'll really know what it's like outside".
I'd smile with one side of my mouth and say:
"You should take a job inside so you'll really know what it's like inside."
at this point, they'd usually go one shade lighter and open their mouths one degree wider.

I still circle the block, park and go in the building.
I still turn up for the puppet shows.

why?
contrary to some (alarmist, cynical, but perhaps just in need of a good hug) folks, there are churches and pastors who are not "high-stress", "narcissistic", or "bullying". there are. you just have to keep looking till you find them.
now, who was it who said words to that effect?
oh, yea. Himself.

and even then, you have no guarantee that these pastors and churches will stay untoxic forever.
just like you have no guarantee you will either.
no guarantee.
but that's life.
"Never settle," as Steve Jobs said.

Abraham was a nomad. going from place to place.
staying in each place for years or decades, granted.
but still, going from place to place.
don't be a fruit fly flitting from here to there and everywhere.
don't be a banyan tree rooted to one spot forever.
be a human person. a pilgrim forever on pilgrimage.

this is not your final resting place.
so don't rest your bottom anywhere permanently.
how long should you stay?
I don't know – ask the Spirit; he's your guide.
I'm just a guy sitting in front of his Mac writing to you.

okay, you can write back.
you can also comment below, but be warned that the comments are moderated.
unlike my other, "normal" blog on writing, this one tends to attract some morons who think that normal rules of conduct don't apply, because we're discussing faith.
I hope you're not one of them; if you're not, I'll approve your comment.